Standards that can kill.

Double standards.

I am going to start this off with what I have experienced during my years living on this Earth.

“I don’t like party girls”- from a boy who went out on a 2 day bender the day before he told me this

“You can’t wear that”- from family members

“I don’t have a problem with him walking home at night after work”- my mum discussing how my younger brother could walk home from work but I could not.

Let’s break all of these down for you.

1. I don’t like party girls

- It has come to my attention through social media and this boy, that ‘men’ don’t like it when girls or a girl they are seeing like to go out and have fun. This includes going out to parties, going out clubbing or drinking with friends. I see this as a double standard because I have never heard a girl say a deal breaker is when they’re boyfriend or a guy they are seeing goes out too much. However, I see boys sharing posts saying a girl isn’t wifey material if she parties, or a post that says are there any girls left that don’t go out (like it’s a bad thing). If a girl likes to go out, it has nothing to do with her ability to date someone else and vice versa.

2. You can’t wear that

- I have heard countless times people say what a girl can and cannot wear. Now, I do wear more revealing clothing that some people, because it is what I am confident and comfortable wearing. However, I have been told I can’t wear certain things (Does not stop me however) No one tells boys what they can and cannot wear, they wear whatever they choose to, and women should be able to do the same without being told off. Some people say it is because of men, that they prey on women who wear revealing or tight clothing. That is another argument entirely. Instead of scolding women, we should teach men.

3. I don’t have a problem with him walking at night

- Now, this goes under the same argument as above. That this is a double standard as it is more dangerous for a woman to be walking alone at night than men. Again, we should be teaching boys to do the right thing such as not to hurt or assault or even kill women. If we taught boys properly then we wouldn’t have this particular double standard.

A plan for preventing double standards

1. Question them- if you ask them to explain then they are forced to break their logic down for you, this might give them a chance to realise what they said is a double standard.

2. Ask them to explain why- ask them why this a double standard and why do they think this think its right to tell them this

3. Explain to them your POV- say your point calmy and matter of factly

4. If they still don’t get it, you can exit the conversation- you are more than welcome to say to them this makes me uncomfortable and please do not say this to me in the future then walk away from that person.

An example

“I don’t like party girls”

“Why not, if you yourself partake in partying as well?”

“Because I don’t want to date someone who parties a lot’

“But you also party a lot, can you explain why you think girls cannot party as much as you?”

*This makes them face what they are actually saying and opens up a conversation about how this is a double standard and why it is not appreciated*

example: “I see this as a double standard because you party and go out more than I do, yet you don’t like it when I do it. I don’t appreciate how this is a double standard for you, I think girls who like to go out still can be dating someone and have the potential to do so, just as boys can go out and still be seen as a valid dating option.”

In conclusion, double standards are not on in 2021. Feel free to call out men or anyone who has a double standard against you or other people. As they are constructs that can be broken down if we try hard enough and keep on having that conversation.